Ted Knoy
tedaknoy@ms11.hinet.net
http://mx.nthu.edu.tw/~tedknoy
National Tsing Hua University (Taiwan)
Abstract
This article describes how ESL writers can acquire basic
copyediting skills through the identification of areas of their writing
which lack conciseness and clarity. Despite the increasing number of non-native
English speaking authors submitting to international journals, manuscripts
continue to be rejected. This is often due to the poor quality of written
English contained within the articles, which in turn can be attributed
to the absence of copyediting skills taught in ESL writing classes. More
specifically, journal editors and reviewers often cite the writer's inability
to (a) succinctly express his or her meaning (conciseness) and (b) ensure
that the intended meaning is not misconstrued through the omission of
ambiguity and obscurity (clarity) . Familiarization with the Microsoft
Word editing feature or manual copyediting skills ensures efficiency.
Based on these concerns, technical writing class assignments at the Department
of Computer Science, National Tsing Hua University (Taiwan) are also described.
How to edit: a mouse or a red pen?
A computer mouse and a red pen both have copyediting
advantages . While using a mouse may be a faster way to make and incorporate
corrections into the final text than using a red pen, some editors still
prefer to usea red pen. This is especially true when formats are used
that do not contain the convenient editing function or when the author
is not receptive to using such an editing function.
When deciding upon a correction method, the editor should prioritize quality (i.e., the level of detailed editing) and efficiency (i.e., time spent editing the text). Therefore, students learning copyediting skills should be taught both methods.
Original
A simple modification of these notions was made by Smith et al. for determination
of the constructs.
Revised
Smith simply modified these notions to determine the constructs.
Revised with a mouse
Smith et al. A
simpley modifiedcation
of these notions was made by Smith et al. ftor
determineation of the constructs.
Revised with a red pen
Original
For determination of the optimum conditions for the nominal-the-best
robust design problems, this work is conducted to
develop a simple procedure to do so.
Revised
This work develops a simple procedure to determine the optimum conditions
for the nominal-the-best robust design problems.
Revised with a mouse
This work develops a simple procedure tFor
determineation of the optimum
conditions for the nominal-the-best robust design problems,
this work is conducted to develop a simple procedure to do so.
Revised with a pen
Original
A continuous change of flexible manufacturing systems in a dynamic environment
occurs.
Revised
Flexible manufacturing systems continuously change in a dynamic environment.
Revised with a mouse
A continuous change of fFlexible
manufacturing systems continuously change in a
dynamic environment occurs.
Revised with a pen
Copyediting suggestions for ESL writers
A. Conciseness
- Use active voice frequently
A simple way to delete the length of a sentence and make it direct at the same time is to frequently use the active voice. Switching from passive voice to active voice often makes a sentence more direct, concise and persuasive. Whereas sentences using passive voice tend to be wordy or indecisive, sentences utilizing active voice make the technical document more immediate and concise. Consider the following examples:
Original
Modification of the heuristics was made by Lacksonen and
Enscore (1993) to solve the dynamic layout problem.
Revised
Lacksonen and Enscore(1993) modified the heuristics to solve the dynamic layout problem.
Original
Precise measurement of neural networks by practitioners is
a heavy emphasis of computer vision systems.
Revised
Computer vision systems heavily emphasize that practitioners precisely measure computer vision systems.
Original
The manager can be assisted by the proposed model so that
the order size can be precisely determined.
Revised
The proposed model can assist the manager in precisely determining the order size.
Original
Objective assessment of the workplace is required by the supervisor.
Revised
The supervisor must objectively assess the workplace.
- Use verbs instead of nouns
Wordiness also comes from creating nouns out of verbs (known as nominalizations), subsequently This tendency leads to weak verbs. In addition, overuse of nouns instead of verbs also creates needless prepositions. Consider the following examples:
Original
Difficulty is encountered in explanation of the method to inexperienced engineers owing to its computational complexity.
Revised
Explaining the method to inexperienced engineers is difficult owing to its computational complexity.
Original
Knowledge of how the variables are distributed is not required by novice engineers
Revised
Novice engineers do not need to know how the variables are distributed.
Original
Not only is the variability of the control factors considered by the proposed procedure, but implementation of related tasks is performed.
Revised
In addition to considering the variability of the control factors, the proposed procedure implements related tasks.
Original
Normalization of operations is achieved by a simple calculation of the scores.
Revised
Simply calculating the scores normalizes operations.
- Create strong verbs
Some verbs are weak in that they do not express a specific action. In contrast to using such weak verbs, a writer should use strong verbs such as is, are, was, were, has, give, make, come and take that imply a clear action. Consider the following examples:
Original
The guideline makes it specific that all parties will be notified by the proper authorities when a problem arises.
Revised
The guideline specifies that the proper authorities will notify all parties when a problem arises.
Original
The different groups have to reach an agreement on how to make an
adjustment of the figures.
Revised
The different groups must agree on how to adjust the figures.
Original
The machine operator conducts transportation of the auto parts to the assembly line.
Revised
The machine operator transports the auto parts to the assembly line.
Original
The machine operator conducts transportation of the auto parts to the assembly line.
Revised
The machine operator transports the auto parts to the assembly line.
- Avoid sentences beginning with It and There
Another form of wordiness and ambiguity is sentences beginning with There and It. Unless It refers to a specific noun in the previous sentence, omit It is entirely. Consider the following examples:
Original
There can be little doubt that ink jet printers have a higher per-page cost than laser printers.
Revised
Ink jet printers undoubtedly have a higher per-page cost than laser printers.
Original
It is important to develop a more effective approach to solve the complicated problem.
Revised
A more effective approach must be developed to solve the complicated problem.
Original
There is increasing evidence that supports the role of protein in prolonging life.
Revised
Increasing evidence supports the role of protein in prolonging life.
Original
It is necessary to examine exactly how nutrition affects growth.
Revised
Exactly how nutrition affects growth must be examined.
- Delete redundant and needless phrases.
Many technical documents are cluttered with redundant or needless phrases that can be either deleted entirely or expressed more simply. The writer should try to avoid needless and redundant words and phrases that only make the sentence lengthy. Consider the following examples:
Original
It is recommended by us that the trackball be selected on the occasion of purchasing a user interface device of this type.
Revised
We recommend selecting the trackball when purchasing a user interface device of this type.
Original
The trackball is deficient of the mobility that a mouse has despite the fact that the trackball requires less hand movement than the mouse.
Revised
The trackball lacks the mobility of a mouse although the former requires less hand movement than the latter.
Original
The web browser in all cases gives consideration to the user's needs in a situation in which he or she is away from the office.
Revised
The web browser always considers the user's needs when he or she is away from the office.
B. Clarity
- Ensure subject and verb agreement
Subject and verb disagreement not only creates confusion over how many people, places or objects are involved, but also gives the sentence a faulty logic. A major reason for subject-verb disagreement is failing to recognize the subject and the verb. Consider the following examples:
Original
Either the collected data set or two additional outputs was used to construct a neural network model.
Revised
Either the collected data set or two additional outputs were used to construct a neural network model.
Original
The research assistant and the doctoral candidate are the same person.
Revised
The research assistant and the doctoral candidate is the same person.
Original
Physics make most first year doctoral students nervous.
Revised
Physics makes most first year doctoral students nervous.
Original
The acoustics in the auditorium is excellent.
Revised
The acoustics in the auditorium are excellent.
- Ensure that pronoun references are clear in meaning
Readers become confused when the sentences they are reading contain pronouns that do not have a clear antecedent. An antecedent is what a pronoun is referring to. Many problems can arise when a pronoun does not refer to a clear antecedent. Consider the following examples:
Original
When a decision reaches the final stage, it must be implemented promptly.
Revised
When reaching the final stage, a decision must be implemented promptly.
Or
A decision must be implemented promptly when reaching the final stage.
Original
No adjustment factors exist if (C1) is violated, which implies that the
transformation approach can be implemented.
Revised
The fact that no adjustment factors exist if (C1) is violated implies that the transformation approach can be implemented.
Or
No adjustment factors exist if (C1) is violated, implying that the transformation approach can be implemented.
Or
No adjustment factors exist if (C1) is violated; this violation implies that the transformation can be implemented.
Original
Driving a car and talking on a cellular phone at the same time is dangerous; this could cause an accident.
Revised
Driving a car and talking on a cellular phone at the same time is dangerous; this habit could cause an accident.
- Create sentences parallel in structure and meaning
Parallelism in writing means that all parts of a sentence must have a similar construction. Consider the following examples:
Original
The numerical example concentrates mainly on illustration of the cases derived in the previous section and demonstrating the effectiveness of the proposed model.
Revised
The numerical example illustrates the cases derived in the previous section and demonstrates the effectiveness of the proposed model.
Original
The committee made a decision to set a new agenda and that the meeting should be adjourned.
Revised
The committee decided to set a new agenda and adjourn the meeting.
Original
The robust design focuses not only on collecting data accumulated from the designed experiment, but also that the results obtained by using Taguchi's two-step procedure are compared.
Revised
The robust design focuses not only on collecting data accumulated from the designed experiment, but also on comparing the results obtained by using Taguchi's two-step procedure.
Original
The proposed project is promising, creative, and has innovative ideas.
Revised
The proposed project is promising, creative, and innovative.
- Eliminate modifier problems
As a word, phrase, or clause, a modifier describes another word, phrase, or clause. The reader becomes confused when the modifying clause or phrase is not next to the word it modifies. This often creates a gap between the author's intended meaning and what is actually written. Consider the following examples:
Original
To keep in shape, exercise is a must for an athlete.
Revised
An athlete must exercise to keep in shape.
Original
When an engineer, customer satisfaction should be attempted.
Revised
An engineer should attempt to satisfy the customer.
Original
After simulating a real environment, a consensus was reached.
Revised
After the researchers simulated a real environment, a consensus was reached.
Original
Being radioactive, the technician handled the materials with extreme care.
Revised
The technician handled the radioactive materials with extreme care.
- Double check for faulty comparisons and omissions
Sentences that contain comparisons that are illogical and incomplete create further ambiguity in technical writing. Editors must also recognize words that have been carelessly omitted. Consider the following examples:
Original
Our algorithm is more accurate with respect to computational time.
Revised
Our algorithm is more accurate than conventional ones with respect to computational time.
Original
The chemistry department cooperates with local industry more than their department.
Revised
The chemistry department cooperates with local industry more than their department does.
Original
The novel material is as strong, if not stronger than, available ones.
Revised
The novel material is as strong as, if not stronger than, available ones.
Original
The research department's productivity is higher than the administrative division.
Revised
The research department's productivity is higher than that of the administrative division.
- Avoid unnecessary shifts in a sentence
Another obstacle to clarity in technical writing is unnecessary shifts in subject, tense, voice and mood.
Original
Communicators must share a common language or protocol so that we can easily understand each other.
Revised
Communicators must share a common language or protocol so that they can easily understand each other.
Original
A computer mouse needs some available workspace and even the beginning user can operate them with very little difficulty.
Revised
A computer mouse needs some available workspace and even the beginning user can operate one with very little difficulty.
Original
Execute the program commands and the iteration steps must be
repeated.
Revised
Execute the program commands and repeat the iteration steps.
Original
The supervisor asked her employees if the assignment was ready and could it be handed in tomorrow.
Revised
The supervisor asked her employees if the assignment was ready and could be handed in tomorrow.
Related assignments in an ESL technical writing class
In addition to instructing graduate students
on how to organize research papers and prepare for publication, the technical
writing course (asynchronous distance learning) offered at the Department
of Computer Science, National Tsing Hua University (Taiwan) stresses the
instruction of basic copyediting skills introduced in the previous section.
As part of their homework, students must complete twenty seven conciseness-related
and twenty eight clarity-related copyediting exercises.
Conclusion
ESL writers should not be expected to edit a manuscript as thoroughly
as would a native English-speaking editor. However, basic copyediting
skills should be incorporated into ESL writing curricula to ensure conciseness
and clarity. Through this gradual process, the gap between expectations
and ability can be closed.
References
Knoy, Ted (2000) An Editing
Workbook for Chinese Technical Writers Hsinchu, Taiwan C Web Technology.
Knoy, Ted Knoy (2000) Advanced Copyediting Practice for
Chinese Technical Writers Hsinchu, Taiwan C Web Technology.